Why Sex in Marriage Matters: Relationship Advice for Moms Feeling Disconnected
- Gaby Bueno
- Feb 17
- 4 min read
Marriage changes after kids, careers, stress, and the everyday responsibilities of life begin piling up. For many women, sex in marriage slowly becomes another thing on the to-do list instead of a source of connection, pleasure, and intimacy.
In this episode of the Mom’s Talk Sex podcast, Mor Yelvington sits down with marriage coach and podcast host Alisa DiLorenzo to talk openly about why so many couples struggle sexually after marriage, how women become disconnected from their bodies, and what practical steps couples can take to reconnect emotionally and physically.
Why Sex in Marriage Becomes Difficult for Women
One of the biggest reasons women struggle with sex in marriage is the messaging they receive growing up.
Many women are taught that sex is shameful, dirty, "good girls don’t desire sex" and that this is a private matter and sexuality should be hidden
Then suddenly after marriage, women are expected to:
Feel confident sexually
Desire intimacy naturally
Know how to communicate their needs
Enjoy sex effortlessly
This creates a deep internal conflict.
Alisa explains that many women spend years disconnected from their bodies, only to later feel pressure to suddenly become sexually open and expressive in marriage.
For moms especially, exhaustion, mental overload, and emotional burnout only intensify that disconnect.
The Emotional Connection Behind Sex in Marriage
One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was the reminder that many men are not only seeking physical sex — they are seeking emotional connection.
According to Alisa, many husbands say:
“It’s the only time I truly feel connected to her.”
For many couples, physical intimacy becomes the only uninterrupted time they spend together without distractions, children, work, or responsibilities.
This changes the way we look at sex in marriage.
Instead of seeing intimacy as another obligation, something to “get over with” or as a pressure from a partner, it becomes reconnection, emotional closeness, partnership, affection and safety.
Sex in Marriage and the Impact of Childhood Conditioning
Many women carry unconscious beliefs about sexuality into adulthood.
Some common beliefs include:
wanting sex is wrong
expressing desire is embarrassing
pleasure is selfish
good mothers shouldn’t prioritize sexuality
These beliefs create shame and emotional disconnection.
Alisa shares that learning how to communicate sexual desires starts with reconnecting to yourself first.
That includes:
spending time in your body
learning what brings pleasure
understanding your emotional needs
feeling safe enough to communicate openly
How Couples Can Rebuild Intimacy
Alisa and her husband famously completed a “60-Day Sex Challenge” during a difficult season in their marriage.
The challenge transformed their relationship because it forced them to prioritize each other again. But the real breakthrough wasn’t only physical intimacy.
It was teamwork, communication, emotional connection, shared effort and intentional time together. Alisa explains that sexual intimacy often becomes the catalyst that improves every other area of marriage.
Practical Tips to Improve Sex in Marriage
1. Stop Waiting for the “Perfect Time”
If you have children, busy schedules, or stress, there will never be a perfect season.
Connection must become intentional.
2. Create Teamwork at Home
When both partners contribute to responsibilities, resentment decreases and emotional openness increases.
3. Communicate What Feels Good
Many women never verbalize their desires because they feel embarrassed.
Simple phrases like: “I like that”, “That feels good”, “Can we try this?” can completely transform intimacy.
4. Prioritize Emotional Intimacy
Sexual connection often improves when couples laugh together, spend quality time together, touch non-sexually and feel emotionally safe.
5. Let Go of Performance Pressure
Movies and social media create unrealistic expectations about sex. Real intimacy is built through honesty, comfort, experimentation, and communication.
Why Many Women Fake Orgasms
One of the most honest moments in the interview was discussing how many women fake orgasms.
Reasons often include:
emotional disconnection
pressure to perform
wanting sex to end quickly
not knowing what they actually enjoy
fear of hurting their partner’s feelings
Alisa emphasizes that healthy sex in marriage requires communication, not performance.
The more honest couples become, the more connected they feel emotionally and physically.
How Intimacy Affects the Entire Marriage
When couples feel connected physically, they often communicate better in every other area of life. That’s why intimacy should never be treated as “optional” in marriage. It is one of the core ways couples maintain emotional closeness over time.
Sex in marriage is not about perfection.
It’s about connection, communication, vulnerability, emotional safety, making each other a priority again.
For many moms, reconnecting sexually begins by reconnecting with themselves first. Learning to listen to your body, communicate your needs, and create intentional moments of intimacy can completely transform a relationship. And as Alisa beautifully reminds us: small consistent steps create lasting change.
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About Alisa DiLorenzo
Alisa DiLorenzo is a marriage coach, speaker, author, and co-host of the top-rated marriage podcast, One Extraordinary Marriage. Together with her husband Tony, she helps couples strengthen intimacy, communication, and emotional connection through coaching, books, podcasts, and relationship resources.
You can connect with her here:
And for more conversations around sexuality, embodiment, conscious relationships, emotional healing, and intimacy, subscribe to the Mom's Talk Sex podcast, hosted by Mor Yelvington.
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